Dating a Second-Generation Korean American: Pros and Cons

Dating a Second-Generation Korean American: Pros and Cons

First-generation Korean Americans: Those who immigrated after becoming adults.

1.5-generation Korean Americans: Those who immigrated before becoming adults.

Second-generation Korean Americans: Born and raised in the US; essentially just Americans...

Isaac is a second-generation Korean American, born and raised in the US. Second-generation Korean Americans often don't speak Korean at all, but Isaac speaks it pretty well. Honestly, I was surprised at first. Because it was my first time meeting someone who couldn't speak Korean, I felt a little like I was meeting someone less intelligent and was taken aback. (Sorry, Isaacㅠㅠ) When I told him my honest feelings, he said that he'd always been considered smart and that my feedback was new and funny. He loved his new, seemingly "less intelligent" identity; he found it interesting.

"Ok...so I'll visit next time. I am reliable~." Recently, a meme of Jeon Chung-jo imitating a Korean American accent was trending, and we laughed about it. Because a real Korean American accent is... cuter.

I was away filming, and Isaac was watching Duchil. Then I got this text: "Pee only, no poop." Isaac usually writes things as he hears them. 'Ye' = 'yae' (얘), 'ssi' = 'shi' (쉬). When I get texts like that, I feel it even more. Oh, he really is a foreigner.

"That's possible. Taking care of my body is the most important thing right now." Sometimes, it seems like he uses a translator, and his writing sounds like a machine translation. It's funny and cute.

So, how do we communicate? When texting, Isaac writes in English, and I write in Korean. Jungju laughed, saying that he only communicates in whichever way is convenient for him. But we actually don't text much. Instead, we call. They say a lot of people have phone anxiety these days, but we prefer calling, probably because we're old-fashioned. (Born in '92 and '89)

When we talk on the phone, we mix English and Korean. At first, it was a little awkward, but now it doesn't feel awkward, no matter which language we use. It's become our default way to communicate. Thanks to this, my English has improved, and his Korean has improved a lot.

I've summarized the pros and cons of dating a second-generation Korean American boyfriend.

Pros

1. You can hear unique and innovative expressions of affection.

2. You can learn English quickly.

3. Your world expands (learning new cultures).

Cons

1. You have to explain words you'd assume he'd know.

2. You have to do long distance.

3. Sometimes you clash due to cultural differences.

Let's look at the pros first. The first advantage is that you can hear unique and innovative expressions of affection. He uses surprisingly new expressions I've never heard before. For example,

"Only you are in my heart."

"I don't remember what it feels like to be lonely."

"Nice to meet you."

"I'm not just happy, I'm 'deeply' happy."

Instead of just saying "I miss you~" or "I love you~", he uses more primal and pure expressions. And even the same words feel new when heard in his English-influenced Korean. (Because Isaac expresses himself well and speaks beautifully, I don't know if other Korean Americans do this, but I loved his unique expressions.)

The second advantage is that you can learn English quickly. Because he constantly speaks English, you quickly become accustomed to it. Since his friends are all Korean Americans or foreigners, you're naturally immersed in an environment where you have to use English, so you learn it quickly.

The third advantage is that your world expands. Isaac's friends from various countries become my friends, too, and I learn about new cultures through him, expanding my world. Isaac graduated from the University of Michigan, and most alumni are serious about Michigan football. I was amazed by how seriously they took it, buying team apparel, gathering to cheer, and discussing every game. I learned that college sports in the US are as popular as the World Cup. It's exciting to enter this new world I knew nothing about and feel my world expanding. It's exciting and fun.

Now, let's look at the disadvantages.

The first disadvantage is that he often doesn't know words you'd assume he'd know, and you have to explain them one by one. For example, recently, a trend on Reels was to ask your boyfriend, "If you see me among the colors of the rainbow (빨주노초파남보), what color comes to mind?" I tried it, but as soon as I asked, Isaac said, "What?? What is 빨주노?" with innocent eyes. This happens a lot. There are many words that I think he would understand, but he doesn't. You have to explain them one by one before you can move on to the next topic. This must be inconvenient for Isaac as well. When he tries to explain something in English and I don't understand, he has to explain the meaning of words from scratch.

The second disadvantage, the most critical one, is that it's a long-distance relationship. Even when we meet, neither of us has a visa, so we have to go abroad and come back every three months. We're doing long-distance right now. I'm in Korea, and Isaac is in the US. We talk on the phone every day. Even after getting married and applying for a visa, it will take at least a year for the visa to be approved... Long distance is an unavoidable fate.

The third disadvantage is that we sometimes clash due to cultural differences. For example, Korea doesn't have a party culture, but the US has a party + networking culture. Isaac met his friends in Apgujeong Rodeo Street, and it felt strange to me how many random people kept appearing. I usually prefer spending time with close friends, and even then, I don't have much time for it. I didn't quite understand the American party culture of randomly gathering for parties. But after going to parties with Isaac, I made good friends there, and now I understand the culture. We sometimes clash due to cultural differences, but we try to understand each other and solve problems.

When I recently visited the US and saw pictures of Isaac as a child, I realized he's a true American to his core, and I understood him better. Seeing those pictures made me realize how different our upbringing was (Isaac grew up with almost no Korean friends). I thought Isaac was just Korean because he has black hair and looks like a Korean person. That was my mistake. Thinking back, Isaac's Korean is amazing. I regret thinking he was lacking.

Isaac, who couldn't speak Korean at all as a child, taught himself Korean after he turned 20 by watching Korean dramas.

If you're dating a second-generation Korean American, remember this: they are simply Americans. Don't be fooled by their black hair; see them as foreigners and try to understand them. Remember not to apply Korean standards to them.

A truly American graduation photo, not AI-generated.

Laguna Beach, California

Our passports from different countries. We have to exit through different immigration gates.

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